Double Standards

So in my last post I chronicled the misadventures of a disaster of a woman vomiting on herself and not having the common decency to even acknowledge it, let alone clean it up. We’ll revisit that in a little bit.

Tonight’s joyride was already off to a great start. Some woman sits down next to me and then stuffs her gigantic coat (it’s Autumn, people, not winter in North Dakota) in between us. This is great. I'm having a great time.

After contemplating committing seppuku, I hear the faintest of voices over the PA. We’re being held in Hicksville. I think. I’m not entirely sure. Whenever they announce inane shit repeatedly (“RONKONNNNNNNNNNKOMAAAAAAA! THIS IS THE TRAIN TO RONKONNNNNNNNNKOMAAAAAA!! NO JAMAICA STOP ON THIS TRAIN!! NOOOOOOO JAMAICAAAA!! NOOOOOO JAMAICA STOP!!”), it’s louder than the voice of god, but when they actually need to let you know something important, the conductor becomes a fucking church mouse.

We’re forced off the train onto the platform and none of us have any idea why, because no one has told us. At one point a clear voice comes on the PA and says, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’re being held here because ---” and they end their transmission and never bother to finish that statement. Is the MTA’s website any help? Honestly, why do I bother?

This is a lie. A big ol’ muthafuggin’ lie.

Turns out someone got sick on the train and we all had to clear off and wait for the next one. Wait… didn’t I have to sit on a train just a few feet from someone’s ex-McDonald’s dinner just a few weeks ago? We didn’t have a Contagion-esque emergency then. Why now?

We were all standing on the platform waiting for our new train to come. “Haven’t you ever seen the train on St. Patrick’s Day? Clear everyone outta that car and let’s go!” bellowed a man I have the utmost respect for at a weasely conductor I loathe. I came very close to 80s movie slow clapping for that statement.

So of course when someone gets sick on the train it needs to be immediately evacuated and cancelled. Except for when it happens right in front of me. Because I did something awful in my past life and I’m paying for it dearly in this one.